Resolved: Not to Work on My Relationship in 2021

Your task is not to seek for love but to seek out and find all the blockages within yourself that you have built against it. — Rumi

When an editor and I were brainstorming for a title for my next book, a guide for marriage-minded single women, she stopped me in my tracks, suggesting: “Marriage Is a Miracle, and Doing the Work to Make It Last Is Hard Work.”

I don’t think so about the hard work part because couples who are well-matched do not need to keep working on their marriage to keep their relationship sound.

In a good marriage, spouses invest energy into their relationship. They find out how to keep it thriving and practice what they’ve learned. That does not work; it’s how treasured friends relate.


So, where does the idea come from that couples need to work on their relationship? Perhaps it comes from the “follow your heart” folks who marry someone they find attractive initially but with whom they lack essential commonalities. In such a union, either spouse works in a frustrating, losing battle to change the other because they cannot accept some fundamental differences.

However, couples who are compatible may also feel like they’re working on their relationship because they haven’t yet learned to use tools and techniques that keep it thriving almost effortlessly, at least most of the time. Sometimes, people need to gain more self-understanding before applying knowledge to create a lasting, fulfilling marriage.


An excellent tool to keep a relationship thriving is a weekly marriage meeting, a short, gentle, respectful conversation with a simple, loosely structured format. Effective marriage meetings don’t feel like work; they empower busy couples to reconnect regularly, increase intimacy and teamwork, and address issues constructively.

Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted explains step by step how to hold these conversations. It also describes just how to use positive communication skills.

You may choose this approach or another. The main idea to invest in your relationship, not to toil but to enjoy the process.

In case you’re wondering about my next book’s title, we chose: Marriage Minded: An A to Z Guide to Dating for Lasting Love, to be published in September 2021.

I wish you a magnificent 2021 filled with wonders and openness to meeting the challenges and delighting in the joys that come your way.

You’ll gain practical tips in my books (audio too) to create a more fulfilling marriage and other great relationships.

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